My own inner daemons forcibly trying to bellow out, trying to run rampant yet i try to keep them all contained. Leaving me here, socially drawn, emotionally inept, mentally and physically exhausted. I sit and wonder in my fortress of solitude how much longer can I keep this charade up! Restless night crying myself to sleep have become so routine, taking pill after pill, shot after shot, sitting here in the dim filled room, waiting for that beacon of light. in the future someone holds the key to unlock me and set me free from this dim dark dismal room filled with painted on stoic unrealistic faces, all ready for my next command, yet not really knowing, all while asking myself ...is it real?
Running from the truth, yet finally engulfed in all it's rage, anger, remorse, sadness and revenge, awaiting to see where will it take me next. Asking myself why and how, and when will it end, yet never missing a beat as I stand there with my go to warrior face ready to tackle on yet another new day, appearing happy and carefree. Will they ever truly know the many stages which I embody? Will anyone ever really be there for my characters? As the man in the long white coat and cold instruments stare me in the face, reciting the verdict, as I look down upon my sins laying at my feet crawling up to put the truth I dare to scream out in a crippling stronghold,,, 1 word I dare not get out...yet the thought's are there? Can i speak? Can i tell you? What can I say? Still there laying listlessly wonder what's next to come, and I try to speak...but can't ...Is it real?
What's done is done, the impurities of yesterday carried on the stepping stones and building blocks of tomorrow, laying dormant until it's next cycle rear's it ugly head and leave it's marks upon my used angry body. trying to keep it at bay seams so easy, yet so hard to do, never been through this before or anything like it. Is this punishment ? is this a cruel joke and everyone's in on it but me? Is this a harsh nightmare i can see and feel yet can not speak nor wake up from? Again... is this real?
The days are treading by slowly and the cure is staggering around the corner even further. A scorned, sinned body exposed to humility, drenched by the claws of the shameless and hung out to dry by the shackles of realization and deceit, those two cowardly, unspoken bastards. Never was I forewarned or led to believe anything differently. You could have said something even if you thought there was a possibility, now the mere sight of it all sickens me to my very core. Your lies were like daggers forcibly being gushed into my heart, invading my mind like poisonous elixir, yet i craved more and wanted more. your love was never ending, and had me drifting afloat, high of your love, and entangled with happiness and pure pleasure. hindsight is always better then foresight and now i see it was all an illusion! did you get what you wanted? Where the random whores and absence of the mind worth all you gave up and traded me in for, was it everything you thought it was going to be, at least you got your temporary fix! Left bitter, angry, scorned, bruised, and battered, and hell bent on revenge. Do i forgive, hell no to make it easier for who, clearly not me! Yet again, it leaves me wondering sis all this bullshit...Is it real?
Left alone to scurry and blend in the room alone....with nowhere to go, and noone to share with. How can I feel so alone and so afraid, with so many faces around staring back . How can I have everyone yet still have no one! Do you really get it, do you really get me? Do you really know me? do you even want to try? As daylight breaks, and I go through my usual routine, swallowing my issue's, putting aside my anger, hurt and pain, try to listen to and care for another. yet when will i get to deal, when will it be my turn to hurt, who's going to be there to help and listen to me, and fix me?
Excuse me, mister in the long white coat and cold instruments, how long will this take and can you help? because I really need to find out if this is real?
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