In love & War....

Sometimes you ever want to just freeze time, and try dissecting exactly the bull shit as its happening! (gay gasp… I’m going in) I mean it all started out so clear, there was a plan, and you know me I had a plan A, B and c, and when all else fails I still knew the outcome, we all knew. Well what happens when some outside force beyond your control have their own plan? Ahhhhh damn, I guess I wasn’t ready for it! I’m still trying to figure out what’s worst letting the situation being touted and carried on to hide it from me to spare me, or not to be told at all of the truth and find out from other people. Newsflash, a lie is a lie, no matter how you try to sugar coat the bully bully bullshit. A lie by omission which can alter the outcome is still a lie boo boo!





I know, I know, I know what your thinking, and now this is not another random crazy stalker type scenario, because we know how I do, but sometimes its more then what’s defined by binding words or a title, its more based upon devoted actions, emotions, and just the unspoken connection the two of us share without making a peep. Dare I go on!!… You ever hear the saying, silence is golden, (insert Monique voice) well baaaaaaby then I must be one rich bitch by now! I miss us, I miss what us entails, what we shared, the small trips or things we did and just the essence of “Us” , I usually don’t mind sharing but now it’s clouded, and convoluted with other people, titles, and labeling, and all this utter bullshit. Like Latoya said, “ I let you out to play, but now it’s time to come back home..“






You ask how can I miss something that’s always there, easy your so close yet so far away. A piece of you was stolen, well shit actually you chose to give it away, rather you didn’t mean to get caught up or not, it‘s no longer hole. It’s broken, and I’m not sure how to fix it, but you broke it.. And what’s upsetting and hurtful the most, is you still yet to talk to me about anything ! And when you even blurted out a small snippet I took it with a grain of salt, kept on my friendly face and still gave you good advice., remember chief I was your friend first and will always be there for you . It’s nice how you are able to flash forward and keep on moving without a hitch, or is that just another look from one of your many characters I met and still am meeting through the years. Let’s see, we will call this character “new boy confused wasting time with irrelevant trade”… yesss I like that name… it kind of has a ring to it!






Question, as I digress, Is it the word “LOVE and everything it entails as humans what we are truly seeking? or its it more the sense of being loved by another being more fulfilling and satisfying ? Hmmm food for thought, if love is suppose to be a selfless act, then why n the bloody hell is it based on a reciprocating factor, you can’t have one without the other! To love brings fourth the state to be loved, to be loved issues a hidden message to love…… Damn ingenious set up I tell you! Flawless design my ass, lol






But as I continue to get me inner Carrie Bradshaw on, don’t be coy with me, mister your sweet words of nothingness, or piercing stare into my half filled vessel can’t help you this time. Your words always tell a different story then your actions. Unlike Lez girls they can never beat in unisex, your mind and emotional well being is always in constant competition with your mouth and the bullshit which comes spewing out, always going to the beat of your own damn foolish drum. Well honey, I’m going to need you to get it together… but more importantly I will help you! Just as soon as I know what the hell I’m doing. Ugh



If people including myself could just make up there damn minds, and say how they feel, say what they mean and mean what the fuck they say… then honey this would be a lot easier..


Humans are the only species to purpose the question why? See this is why were so fucked up now, we always want to


know why shit happens… bityatch they just do ok.. lol,,,,,,,




This game is fun and all…but I cant wait for the day where you be you and I can play me… that’s simply the way is should be…. (Insert mental scream… and release) well we ever get to pass go and collect $200.…damn






We all know what’s going to happen in the end, just like the last 4 short stories of our life, you go out and play, get bored, start comparing, and leave them in there own sea of self loathing resentment they feel for you after you just leave them without any explanation! I mean im having a good time frolicking around with the ex and the local cuisine, but I shouldn’t have to! I’m not looking for temporary fixes!

 Damn… why are relationships so difficult these days, and honey gay relationship ugh even worst.. What ever happened to nothing being complicated, and everyone was ok without defining their “relationship” or putting it on showcase for others to view, Gosh just shoot me know, I blame hallmark and their sappy ass cards!

Until next time Luvies

XOXO lost in translation