F*CK you, hear me roar!

Like B said " i lay alone at night sorrow fills my eyes yet im not strong enough to cry, despite my disguise, im left with no shoulder but everyone wants to lean on me, i guess im there soulder, who's going to save the hero, when I'm left here all alone, and crying out for help, after I save the world, I've given too much of myself know it's driving me crazy , I'm crying out for help, sometimes I wish someone would just come and save me, save me from myself!

I kind of scratched this one out of my head a few days ago.... im a writer, a creative thinker, someone who likes to push the vague obscure lines with serious rated R undertones in my writing, yet im quite fragile and emotional when it comes to my shit.... I think I have to many channels flowing through MY mind, yet my hands are not quite fast enough to translate the creative expression which come free flowing. conformities, (bullshit) censorship, boundaries, fuck you, you two bit cheating hussy.....these are my jumbled up, crazy, twisted, thoughts....lol

So, as I was in another "session" the other day, just enjoying the moment and letting my inner earth child be at one, I realized, damn....life in general is really fucked up right about now... im better off then most, but far off the radar from some..... my financial status, is well, but one can never have too much, am I suppose to be happy being middle class, yes but no, money makes the world go around and it's sad to say but nothing in life is free, even love, it's costly, painful and hurts like 10 bitches beating up the special kid in class, however at the same time like Vivian said it's the best gift in the world...ugh insert sigh, that's a whole other can of worms, but more about my non existent love life in a little while. my job, love it., yet im one never to get too complacent if something better happens by me making further moves, of course im jumping ships, im always looking to expand my horizon... my emotional well being, I kid you know these days im so bipolar it's not even funny. my random ass of a rollercoaster mood swings are getting a little worrisome to me, at first I just figured it was because of the stress and outside influences, i.e. people and there bullshit I have to deal with, but usually im really great at just adjusting and keep pumping, walking to my own beat, yet I'm think an acumination of things are finally starting to build up and bubble over! As I sip on this good drink!

I think im tired of pleasing others or trying to please others and getting fucked over ( and not in a good way) to many times by people whom I love or claim they love me! And u why im so private and have a hard time opening up! Simple people keep your enemies close because u know they don't like you, yet keep your friends even closer b/c they know how to hurt you the most!" I figure the less I open up, the less ammo you have to turn and use against me!

I think some mistake my niceness as a signed of weakness! I think many people today lost sight on humanity and humility, and compassion for there fellow man. Is it true nice guys finish last? Most say Yes, but I say hell fucking no.... because in the end im going to be left still standing, a survivor, stronger then before and with my equal (s)... I've learned the harder you work for something and the harder to strive to make things happen, the sweeter the reward and it truly will be more fulfilling. I think I need to start living for me, and putting ME first, I want to have that "fuck you" attitude which apparently everyone else has, but that s not kewl, and that's just not me... I need to stop just going with the flow of things, I think it's time I start creating a few rip tides and cause a few waves, you know shake things up just a bit... not in a deliberately malicious way, just to let people know, I have something to say, instead of just thinking I'm a passerby! ...like a wise bumper sticker says " Stop fucking complaining and start a revolution!" I love Me some Me, know if only we can change that Me to an us or we lol! but that's another post to follow...

Need to fix me another drink brb...still lost in translation yet not quite toked enough to lose my way!